Honesty & Children ~

I absolutely love how children and honesty usually go hand in hand.

Alanna came back from her dad's house yesterday, after being gone for almost two weeks. The first thing she did was give me a huge hug ... I know "AHHHHH".
I miss her like crazy when she is gone, but I am also very grateful that she gets to have time and fun with her dad, Stacey, Jason & Robert too.

On with the short story … Then she looks up and me and sincerely said, "Mom, I almost forgot how you looked. I couldn’t remember if your hair was long or short."

Later that night we were in the car driving and she sincerely looked at me and said, "Mom, why did you get so dressed up today. Where did you go?"
I replied, "I didn't. I am wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I just put some make-up on and wore some jewelry. I have decided to try and not be so frumpy."
With a smile, she replied, "I really like it."

Today ... again driving (I promised her we’d go to Party City so she could look around and pick a theme for her 8th Birthday/Baptism Party. Of course she reminded me at 8:00 pm. Being a woman of my word, and not willing to lie or let my kids down if I have told them we will do something. She so sincerely says, "Mom, I thought you weren't going to look dumpy anymore." I said (while feeling oh so good about myself now), today was a long day and we didn't go anywhere. We can go home if I am going to embarrass you." She so honestly replied, "No it is ok, but will you please get ready tomorrow?”

I absolutely love her and her honesty. I can always count on her to give me her true opinion. She brightens my everyday. I LOVE YOU ALANNA!

Guess, I better pay better attention to my physical appearance. :)

Our children are so individually unique. I love each of them. Hopefully we’ll be blessed with one more before we give up trying (after all it has been a year now). Do you think Heavenly Father is trying to tell us four is enough?

Just Cute ~

A picture I just thought was cute ... and had to take.

Eternal Families ~

This past week, Carl's cousin, Jason lost his dear wife, Ginger. It was unexpected and many people feel the huge loss. They have four small, beautiful children between the ages of 7 and 1. It has literally stopped Carl and I in our tracks and given us a reminder of how important eternal families are. How important it is to have a house of order: financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We were waiting to hear when the funeral would be because we were told that the autopsy could take several days to complete. We were so disappointed when we received a call back Thursday night saying that the funeral had been that morning; they didn't know we were planning to attend and with the rush and high emotions ... we didn't get called. We were thinking that maybe it would be on Saturday.

Carl was working in California this week and was but an hour away. We hope that Jason knows that our thoughts and prayers are with them. We can't say that we understand his loss; neither of us has experienced loosing a spouse to physical death. Although, we both have experienced loosing a spouse to their choices of divorce. We love you and are willing to do anything that might lighten your load or lift your spirit. We have thought a lot this week about the plan of salvation; God does have a plan, we just don't always know what it is. Have Faith, Pray, and Remember families can be for eternity (if we do our part). We love you Clinton Family!!!

So fun to get together ~

It is so fun to get together with family ~ the kids absolutely love it ... alright the sisters do too!

Loneliness Hurts ~

Well, I usually don't get too personal on the blog, but just feel the need to tonight for some reason. Maybe to just help me get my thoughts out. I have spent most the afternoon in tears, praying, wondering what to do, and trying to remember that God really does have a plan for ALL of us. I admire my mom's testimony of the church and hope to one day have one just as strong. I just don't want the same trials and struggles with our children that she has had to bear with us.

Today has been a really hard day for me. It started out well, but then quickly went to bad and then worse. My little sister has been homeless for the last two months, and is mentally ill. I love her with all my heart, but have had to put our children first. I have stayed in contact with her and tried to be there to help in anyway I can. To make a long story short ... her mental illness has taken over the sweet and strong person that she really is. I received a call this afternoon that she was being taken by ambulance to the hospital for a mental evaluation. I got the kids settled and arranged a ride for Kasey to and from achievement days and then rushed to the hospital she was taken to where I met my emotionally devastated mother. I wanted my little sister to know that I love her, that she is loved and that she is not alone. The rejection of her not wanting to talk to me when I entered the Emergency Room she was in was VERY painful. I have been at a loss of how to be there for her and how lonely she must feel. You could see the pain in her face and her beautiful blue eyes. Being homeless with two living parents and seven siblings just seems impossible to me. It makes me so sad that this is the life that she (or her illness) has chosen.

Only in the movies have I seen someone locked down to a hospital bed so they couldn't get up. That in itself would make me have a mental breakdown. I wanted to unlock her and make it all better; I just don't know how. I don't know how to get her to realize that with her medications she is a whole, healthier person.

I personally have lost some friends this past year because I wasn't able to spend the time needed to physically and emotionally invest in the friendship. I got wrapped up in my husband and my family (which I don't regret, it was necessary) ... and school took a HUGE part of me. For awhile, I didn't really even know ME anymore; let alone have time for me. I did what I needed to do to get through that part of my life. I needed the security of having at least my associate degree. I couldn't stand the thought of being an uneducated single mom again; I wasn't taking that chance. I needed to give our marriage some serious attention; and that was more important to me than anything else. I was too busy being a student, stake activity director, PTA Board Member, babysitter, daughter, sister, and mother; that I took for granted that I have a loving, supportive husband that would just always be there.

I don't like people to see me struggle or to know there is pain. I found myself being negative and talking negative (complaining way too much); and didn't want to be that way anymore. I wanted and needed to change for me as well as my family. I didn't feel like I had anything positive to say, so I stopped talking to family and friends. I have struggled to find someone who I feel really understands me; what it is like to be a second wife, step-mom and some of the other trials that I face. I had to buck up and get through it though. Thus, I have struggled this past year with feeling lonely many times. My husband is my best friend, but there is just something about have close relationships with women. I can only imagine how lonely my sister feels at this time. It breaks my heart ... there is so much emotional pain.

Congrats Kari & Dave ~

Congrats to Carl's cousins ... Kari & Dave ~
They have a beautiful new addition to their family ... so precious!
Audrey Morgan Derr
9lbs
21in
Born 7-21-08
8:05am

We wished you lived closer ~ can't wait to see you again!

Happy Birthday Carl ~

I wanted to take a moment and remind you how much I appreciate and love you! Having you out of town on your birthday sucks. I know that birthday's are much a bigger deal to me though. We miss you!

Thank you Zina for letting me scan in his childhood photos :)

Old Barn Co. Quilt Giveaway

First of all, I have to thank Stacy, I was introduced to this quilter...and what a fabulous quilt she has up for a giveaway!!!

On to the contest details . . .

Enter by leaving a comment to her post anytime before Midnight, Tuesday, July 22, 2008 US Date and Time. http://oldredbarnco.blogspot.com/2008/07/win-this-quilt.html

Only enter once cause that is all that counts.

However, there are THREE ways to earn extra entries. Go to her blog to find out how!

Slack Family Party ~

Every month we get together with my side of the family on a Sunday night, and celebrate the birthdays in that particular month. We really look forward to these times as it gives us an opportunity to catch up, spend time together with our extend family and the kids really have a chance to play and talk with their cousins.

This month is Curtis and Carl's birthday's. They were really blessed to get gift cards and cash to purchase some really desired camping gear. Carl left for training in Canada this morning so he'll get to open cards when he returns.

Congrats Earl & Tari ~

It was so much fun to attend the wedding of Earl and Tari Sanders. It was wonderful to get together with Carl's side of the family and spend at least a little while with them. We really wish there were more family get togethers and traditions. Congrats Earl & Tari~

4th of July ~

We spent the 4th of July relaxing ... no time constraints, no "have to do's", just doing what we wanted to. It was amazing to spend the day this way. In the evening we went to Brent & Jen's 4th of July Party and we are so glad that we did. Peyton throughly enjoyed himself swimming from one side of the pool to the other and jumping in the pool and swimming like a big boy. We loved the fireworks, Peyton couldn't get enough of the sparklers ~ they know how to throw a good party.

THANK YOU ECKERSLEY'S!!!

Happy Birthday!!!

Grandma Zina,

We hope you have a very happy birthday ... sorry you already plans on your birthday ~

We have your gift!

Love,
Us